home friends pictures shop contact
gingers
jokes
recipes family

 

 

What goes 'Oooooooooooooooo'?
a cow with no lips

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The barman looks at the creature and asks the man what he calls it.
"Tiny" replies the man.
"Why's that?" asks the bartender.
"Because he's my newt!"

why is a pigs tail like getting up at 4 in the morning?
its twirly

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and give him what for – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my uncle. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.

what do you call a gay ape?
a chimp pansy

What looks like half a loaf of bread.........the other half

What do you call the lord of the tissues?
The hankercheif.

3 men are waiting for a job interview.
The interviewer has no ears.
The first applicant is called in to have his interview. He sits down, and is asked by the interviewer, " We like our employees to be very perceptive, what's the first thing you notice about me?"
The first applicant replies slowly "Well......you've got ne ears."
The interviewer snaps back at the applicant " How dare you comment on my disability! You are certainly NOT suitable to work here."
The interviewee leaves.
The second applicant is called in to have his interview, and is asked the same question "We like our employees to be very perceptive, what's the first thing you notice about me?"
The second applicant replies slowly, "You've got no ears"
The interviewer snaps back at the applicant " How dare you comment on my disability! You are certainly NOT suitable to work here."
The interviewee leaves.
As the second applicant is leaving, he says to the third applicant "The interviwer's a bit sensitive, be careful how you answer the question!"
The third applicant is called, and is asked the same question " We like our employees to be very perceptive, what's the first thing you notice about me?"
Now, the third applicant thinks about this for a minute, remembering the advice he was given.
He the replies "You wear contact lenses"
The interviewer is amazed!
"How on earth did you know that?"
The applicant replies " Well, you can't wear glasses, can you?

did you hear about the oyster that went to the disco?
he pulled a mussel.

why are tigers truthfull?
cos they ain't a lion."

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 |