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A journalist interviews Sir Paul McCartney:
"So, Sir Paul, do you think that you will ever
go down on one knee again?"
Sir Paul: "I'd prefer it if you called her Heather".

how many babies does it take to paint a wall??
Depends how hard you throw them!!

what do u cal a serbian prostitute?
Sloberdown mycockyoubitch

what do you a call nun that sleepwalks?
a roaming catholic

Paddy was on "who wants to be a millionaire" and his 2nd question for £200 was "which one of these was a great train robber??"
a) Ronnie Corbertt
b) Ronnie Barker
c) Ronnie Biggs
d) Ronnie O Sullivan
Paddy says "well Chris i have had a good day so i will just take my money and leave" Chris looks surprised and says "come on you must know the answer and you have 3 life lines left" Paddy says "yes i know the answer Chris but i am not a grass"

Mickey Mouse is in court divorcing Minnie.The judge says: "so lets get this straight, you're divorcing Minnie because of her bucked teeth?"
Mickey looked puzzled, turned to the judge and said: "i never said that, i said she was fucking Goofy."

Who's the coolest guy in the hospital?
The ultra-sound man.

An Irish family went to the Vatican to see the Pope. Their little boy was proudly wearing his Celtic top, hoping the Pope would stop and talk to him. As the procession went on, he could see his Holiness approaching. Just then, he noticed a boy on the other side of the street in a Rangers top. The Celtic kid was gutted as he saw the Pope stop and talk to the Rangers kid. "Don't cry," said his mum, "he was probably only welcoming a Protestant to the Vatican. We'll get you a Rangers top for tomorrow, so he will talk to you, son." The next day, in his Rangers top, the Celtic kid sees the Pope appraoching. Their eyes lock, and the Pope leans over to him and sez "I thought I told you to piss off, you little bastard!"

White Horse walks into a Pub & orders a pint.
Barman says 'weve got a drink named after you'
Horse replys 'What Brian?'

Played my computer at chess the other day, it beat me. Didn't do so well at kickboxing.

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