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what do you called a judge with no thumbs?
justice fingers

what kind of key can open many doors?
A pikey

what's pink and hangs out your pants?
your mum

How do you kill an entire circus at once?
Go for the juggler

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted
a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted,
"Excuse me,can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago,
but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet about the ground.
You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees
west longitude."
"You must be an accountant," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct,
but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still
lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."
The woman below responded, "You must be in management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going.
You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a
promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to
solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were
in before we met, except now, somehow, it's my fault."

what do you call a sheep with no legs?
a cloud

what does kermit the frog & henry the eighth have in common?
they both have the same middle name

What the difference between a women in church and one in the bath?
ones got hope in her soul.

did you hear about the man who fell into a sofa upholstery machine?
he's fully recovered.

Why did Michael Jackson Check into rehab?
To get over his 11 year crack habit.

What's the first problem the Michael's child will have in life?
Figuring out which parent is his mother.

What's sex like for Michael?
Child's Play.

What's the difference between a plastic grocery bag and Michael Jackson?
Well, one's an artificial piece of trash that can harm little children, and the other is used to hold groceries.

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