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A blind man walks into a shoe shop with his guide dog, all of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog around his head.
The manager runs up to the man and yells, "What are you doing?!!"
The blind man replies, "Just looking around."

What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce patch?
A seizure salad.

whats the best thing about having sex with twentyeight year olds??
theres twenty of them!

Doctor says to new mother: 'There's good news and bad news - the bad news is that the baby is ginger - the good news is that it's dead.'

What's brown and sticky?
Gluey Armstrong.

What's brown and runny?
Linford Christie.

How do you make a dog go 'meow'?
Pass it quickly over a circular saw.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Little Boy Blue.
Little Boy Blue who?
Micheal Jackson.

what's big an grey an sits at the end of ya bed takin the piss outta you?
A kidney dialysis machine

a woman's just given birth when the doctor who has delivered the baby grabs hold of the umbilical cord and swings the baby round his head before throwing it in the air and kickin it out the window... the woman was in shock but suddenly starts screaming 'MY BABY! MY BABY! WHAT HAVE YOU JUST DONE WITH MY BABY?' but the doctor, laughing, explains 'I was just kiddin, it was already dead!'

what do you call a fish with no eyes?
a fsh

why did all the ladies fancy jesus?
cos he was hung like this.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food but no atmosphere.

why are gays faster than ungays at going on holiday?
because they already got their shit packed

What do you call a lady with a toothpick in her head?

What do you call a man with a rabbit up his bum?

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