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how do you make a cat go 'woof'?
douse it in petrol and flick at match at it

why do Marxists only drink herbal tea?
coz propertea is theft

Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9!

Why do mice have small balls?
Not that many know how to dance.

Did you hear about Jeremy Beadle's cock?
It can look quite small but on the other hand it is very large.

Why is Jeremy Beadle a bad poker player?
He always has a crap hand.

Michael Jackson was interviewed recently & asked if he liked R Kelly.
he said that he prefers 'boys to men'

Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's all right now.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

What's a hindu?
Lays eggs.

How many zebras does it take to wallpaper a room?
About two - if they're thinly sliced.

Why did the leper crash his car?
He left his foot on the accelerator.

Why do women get periods?
Because they deserve them.

Whats green and eats nuts?

Whats cold, blue and fucks old people?
Me in my lucky blue coat.

Whats cold, blue and fucks old people?

What's the difference between a truck full of babies and a truck full of marbles?
You can't unload one of them with a pitchfork.

what did the leper say to the prostitute
keep the tip.

Whats the difference between sand and menstrual discharge?
You can't gargle with sand.


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