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David Blunkett turns up for work and tries to get in his office his secretary walks over to him and says "what are you doing here Mr Blunkett you've been sacked?".
He replies "i know,i wish someone would tell this fucking dog!!

why are pirates called pirates???
because they arrrrrrrre

Why did the baker have brown hands?
Because he was kneading a poo

a buddist walks into a pizza shops, when ask what pizza he wants he replies "make me one with everything"
"That'll be £7.60"
the buddist gives the pizza guy a tenner, but gets no change.
"Where's the change?" says the buddist
"The change is within"

what the difference between a BJ & anal sex.
a bj makes your day anal sex makes your hole weak.

why did the americans lose the vietnam war?
cos whenever anyone shouted 'GET DOWN' they all got up and started dancing.

why did the mexican throw his wife off the cliff??

what do snowmen eat for breakfast?

what the differnce between snowmen and and snowwomen?
snow balls

whats the difference between a fake american dollar and kate moss?
one's a phoney buck...

what do you call a geordie in a suit?
the accused

whats the hardest thing about street dancing?
having to tell your dad you're gay.

what did the irishman say when a herd of elephants walked past wearing sunglasses?
nothing he didn't reconise them

what do you call a breakdancer with no arms or legs?
clever dick

why don't the blind go parachuting?
it scares the shit out of their dogs

how do they know that santa is a paedo?
cos he enters littles kids rooms and leaves with an empty sack. (and hes got a beard)

did you hear jeremy beadle went on a secretarial course?
he hopes it will improve his shorthand.

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